Welcome to Happy, Not Satisfied®
Anyone who knows me well knows that wellness was not always a priority for me. In my adult life, I have had spurts of going to the gym or trying to eat a little bit better, but those efforts always proved futile as I inevitably drifted back to putting myself last. I also never thought of wellness in terms of mental health, and I resigned myself to the fact that I was just a stressed and anxious person. I always prioritized my career, but ultimately was less effective at times because I did not invest in my own wellbeing so that I could give more of myself to my students.
I completely bought into the idea that happiness would be found on the other side of success, and I had no perspective when it came to enjoying the time between milestones. When I say I felt that happiness would be found on the other side of success, I mean I had the, “I’ll be happy once I…” syndrome, thinking that once I achieved all of my goals, I could finally be happy.
This proved to be a miserable approach—I wandered through life in a haze of unproductive ambition. I have memories of sitting at my desk, strung out on stress and iced coffee, thinking about the day I could finally “allow” myself to be happy. Fortunately, there were several times in those years that I did achieve some goals. Unfortunately, the happiness and positive feelings only lasted a day or two at most, and then my brain latched on to the next goal and the vicious cycle began once again.
This was not a sustainable approach to life for me. I eventually got to a place where I knew I needed to change in a meaningful and lasting way. That, however, was a tall order. Humans have a hard time changing, and often when we try, we ultimately regress back to the mean eventually. I have always been an all-or-nothing person. That is why I struggled with wellness. In my mind, it was go to the gym six days a week and eat perfectly, or do nothing at all and eat without purpose. In my mind, no middle ground existed.
My mom loves to tell a story that when I was a toddler, I refused to color. She began to worry, as my peers were all coloring away, albeit in a messy way, not inside of the lines (as you would expect from a toddler). Then one day, I suddenly went to town coloring, but it was all inside of the lines and very neat. If I couldn’t do it all the way, I wasn’t going to do it. There might be some positives to this personality trait, but when it comes to wellness, it definitely proved to be a hurdle.
Convincing myself that long-term sustainability was more important than short-term intensity was a monumental shift for me. It was the gateway to a new life.
As I was in the infant stages of figuring out how to shift my mind away from, “I’ll be happy once I…”, I had a light bulb moment. I had been using a phrase with my students for years that held a lot of meaning and defined our band program in many ways. It describes a mindset and a lifestyle that promotes all of the ideals I valued but had a hard time realizing in my personal life. That phrase of course, is Happy, Not Satisfied.
Why it took me so long to realize that this mindset that I instilled in thousands of students over many years could actually help me personally is a mystery, but I am glad I finally bridged that mental gap. Being Happy, Not Satisfied™ means that we are always pushing to grow. Grow our minds, grow our health and wellness, grow our relationships, our skillsets, our capacity for kindness and compassion, interests, hobbies, the pursuit of self-education, etc.
It also means we find joy in the process of this growth. We lean into the daily “grind” and find the fulfillment in working through activities we find challenging or difficult. We appreciate the little things and moments that make up each minute, hour and day and we understand that achievements in our lives are the byproduct of the processes and habits we have developed within ourselves that we have learned to love and lean on.
It is a symbiotic phrase, as not being satisfied ultimately creates happiness within us as we look forward to the opportunity to continually improve.
Reframing my approach to life, goals, competition, wellness, relationships and beyond through the lens of this mindset has completely changed my life. I have never been happier, healthier, felt more purpose, or had more energy than I do now.
I hated mornings, I was riddled with anxiety, I was completely inconsistent with fitness and nutrition, and I know how difficult it can be to overcome a negative mindset. My hope is that through sharing my trials and tribulations with wellness as well as strategies I used to ultimately overcome many of these issues, I can help others live a more fulfilling and meaningful life. This is why I created happynotsatisfied.com.
I have been on the other side. I know what it feels like to float through life in a haze, hoping to achieve something that will ultimately give you permission to feel joy. Look to me as proof that there is a different way.